Hungry

I made a note a few days ago to write this post, and already I wonder if it is out of date.  Maybe not, but these things fluctuate and it's hard to be sure.  I'll pretend it is all current as I write it.

I've found myself somehow hungrier lately, especially in the evenings, at night, when I'm about to go to bed.  But when I say "hungry" I'm really talking about all appetites.  I want more food.  I want more alcohol ... so much for my stretch of not drinking any for a while.  I masturbate more.  And when I (rarely) get to the gym and weigh myself, I'm heavier.

I don't know what it's about.  I suppose that properly I should meditate, taking this feeling as my anchor ... try to discern what exactly is happening in my body ... understand it and be with it.  That's the healthy way to approach it.

Or maybe I'll just stay stupid, and keep doing what I'm doing.  Fress.  Guzzle.  Stumble blindly into bed.  Wank.  You knew that was how I was going to end this post, didn't you?  [Sometimes I think my written style is getting predictable.]

I really don't know what I'm going to do.  It actually would be kind of nice to understand what it's all about.
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[Added a week later:  Now that I think about it, you can cross-reference this post here from a month ago.]